I wish I could Love you

2011-07-20T22:14:00.002+08:00

以前的我们，都是过去。

现在总觉得你们对我的事一点都没兴趣。

你说我自私，说我只顾自己的烦恼。

我承认，我自私，我完全对别人所经历的烦恼一无所知。

就因为你们不说，我才不管。

对，我自私，可是不至于让你对我说出无耻的话。

烦恼，大家都有，我的虽然没什么特别，可是，说实话，我喜欢有人为我操心，保护我，帮我抛开烦恼。

可是真的没想到，我最可靠的朋友，却把我丢弃。

不是走了，是变了。

人，随着时间变。我果然也变了，可是，还是跟以前差不多。

对不起。你说过的那番话，我都不想再记了。

每一天，都会想起你们，想到你们，就想到从前，都知道那些日子不再能挽回，心碎了。

总觉得我们之间有了些误会，可能是被别人说错话，可能是被别人侮辱，也有可能是自己想太多。

我自己也不清楚。

我想，我想把话说清楚。

四个月里经历过的痛苦，真的好想让人明白，当我最需要他们的时候，都不在。都不知道要怎么说出口。

到现在，我觉得只有自己心里知道，痛苦，要怎么形容。

好爱你们，真的真的好爱你们，真的。

在我这十九年曾经交过的每个朋友，就只有几个最棒。恭喜你们都入围。

那是以前。

好想，好想说出真心。可是，却不想把自己被别人当着笨蛋来看待。

I’m not desperate. I’m not begging for you to come back to me. I’m not begging.

失望，真的真的很失望。

别误会，没说谁，只说失望。

我把那些美好的回忆都把它给写下来了，知道自己有过那么幸福的过去，让我毫无遗憾。

口口声声在这里说出一句谢谢。对谁说只有我知道，别人怎么想，随他的。

说道来，真的很讨厌那些自以为是的人。以为每一句话都是对着他们说的。

我有说到你的名字吗？

有时候，当然会觉得好像是在说着自己，可是，再把事情闹大以前，先确认一下事实。

我是好人，也是坏人。

可是，在你眼里，是好是坏，都靠你自己怎么想。不信我吗？

心理学，真的帮了我很多。

现在，宁晨三点半，该睡了。

谢谢他们，一直都保护我，一直都教导我。那堆人，我不知道真么感谢他们。哈哈，我真的好幸福。

&没有了，我还是会好好过。

以前的我们，都是过去。

现在总觉得你们对我的事一点都没兴趣。

你说我自私，说我只顾自己的烦恼。

我承认，我自私，我完全对别人所经历的烦恼一无所知。

就因为你们不说，我才不管。

对，我自私，可是不至于让你对我说出无耻的话。

烦恼，大家都有，我的虽然没什么特别，可是，说实话，我喜欢有人为我操心，保护我，帮我抛开烦恼。

可是真的没想到，我最可靠的朋友，却把我丢弃。

不是走了，是变了。

人，随着时间变。我果然也变了，可是，还是跟以前差不多。

对不起。你说过的那番话，我都不想再记了。

每一天，都会想起你们，想到你们，就想到从前，都知道那些日子不再能挽回，心碎了。

总觉得我们之间有了些误会，可能是被别人说错话，可能是被别人侮辱，也有可能是自己想太多。

我自己也不清楚。

我想，我想把话说清楚。

四个月里经历过的痛苦，真的好想让人明白，当我最需要他们的时候，都不在。都不知道要怎么说出口。

到现在，我觉得只有自己心里知道，痛苦，要怎么形容。

好爱你们，真的真的好爱你们，真的。

在我这十九年曾经交过的每个朋友，就只有几个最棒。恭喜你们都入围。

那是以前。

好想，好想说出真心。可是，却不想把自己被别人当着笨蛋来看待。

I’m not desperate. I’m not begging for you to come back to me. I’m not begging.

失望，真的真的很失望。

别误会，没说谁，只说失望。

我把那些美好的回忆都把它给写下来了，知道自己有过那么幸福的过去，让我毫无遗憾。

口口声声在这里说出一句谢谢。对谁说只有我知道，别人怎么想，随他的。

说道来，真的很讨厌那些自以为是的人。以为每一句话都是对着他们说的。

我有说到你的名字吗？

有时候，当然会觉得好像是在说着自己，可是，再把事情闹大以前，先确认一下事实。

我是好人，也是坏人。

可是，在你眼里，是好是坏，都靠你自己怎么想。不信我吗？

心理学，真的帮了我很多。

现在，宁晨三点半，该睡了。

谢谢他们，一直都保护我，一直都教导我。那堆人，我不知道真么感谢他们。哈哈，我真的好幸福。

& 没有了，我还是会好好过。

2011-07-19T22:07:00.002+08:00

you know what? i FUCKING hate liars. I hate ppl who lie to others just to make sure that person wont get what they always wanted. I hate betrayers. it hurts me to know that someone so close to me decide to fuck up our friendship. IM TIRED. I REGRET EVER PUTTING YOUR ADVICE INTO MIND. I REGRET GIVING UP. i hope you realize you're one lying cunt, I know its rude. but im tired, of you pretending to like me, PRETENDING to be friends, PRETENDING THAT NOTHING HAPPENED. because EVERY FUCKING THING STARTED FROM YOU.

2011-04-08T23:25:00.002+08:00

this year, has been extremely hectic, and one day I just sit back and relax, the next day would require hardcore study and double work time. sigh. at one point, i really wanted to give up so so badly. but I already came this far, whats the use of turning back? what else to do even if i did?

I WAN COOOKEEEE.

i really miss alot of group outings and hanging out sessions. but the only place i get to hang out now is the library. the oh-so-fucking noisy library. this year, everything is more frustrating. IDKY. period i guess. somehow, reports assignments like to stick close to each other, due dates one after another, when will it stop? when will i get one week of HOLIDAY, like for real, just holiday and no work, no assignment, no reports, no shit. when will I get a day like this?

& whats lost can never be found again.

2011-01-27T22:42:00.004+08:00

i feel dead. i dont have much to blog about nowadays, i feel that no ones reading it anyway. been testing out some beauty products, will post it up soon! ((:

& I hope I'll catch your eye this time.

2011-01-03T21:07:00.011+08:00

okay. blogger wont let me upload anymore photos. im gonna have to stop. this is PART 2! ((:

fak. its backwards again. anyway.

Master SIM's big day. ((:

June 3rd.

JULY 2010

went for a 3 day 2 night trip in melaka with the usual peeps. ((:

Tien tien's birthday. ((:

Awesome BBQ party over at TTG's house. ((:

also Martins farewell. xD One of the best moments in my life, i mean, not the sending martin off part la. HAHA.

AUGUST!

SORRY. this is for september. HAHA.

chen you a.k.a Lame you.

our own demo-God. XD

AUGUST! 2010

Kai siangs 19th birthday. ((:

September 2010

started a little baking hobby! ((:

but i still continued buying cupcakes. xD

Ben's big day. ((:

October - November 2010

the awesome lab demo called me at 10th of October 2010 10:10 pm. XD

said my goodbyes to my two adorable niece and nephews. ((:

i miss you!

my sister looks anaeroxic. :O

October 17th 2010

The awesome foursome that went for Adam lambert's first concert in Asia!!! had VIP tix. I love you Janey seah

My darling came to visit me in uni. ((: love you.

Darling Zyu's birthday. ((: awesome memories.

iloveyou.

spend alot of time with the monashians, the new bunch of awesome buddies. ((:

Stalked hot dude with my darling sister jane. ((:

Sliced up frogs with the sister and lame you + KPtay.

my one and only awesome lab demo!

if i looked a little nicer, would've framed this photo up.

November 24th

had a little trip to melaka with Thad , Ju and siang. ((: ATE ALL DAY. freaking fat and awesome!

December 6- december 14th

the best buddy came to celebrate my birthday on the 6th. love you so so muchie!!! XOXO

December 7th - had an actual celebration, the tan, the loo came over for dinner. the tan stayed for supper, we went to CHAR CHAN TENG, had that stupid huge drink and nearly died of sweetness. pfft. thank you tan, thank you loo. i love you both.

December 8th - went to class and met up with the monashians for my OTHER birthday celebration. xD had Paddingtons and went for a movie. ((:

love you guys.

For the whole week, had a crazy video call session with the tan and wan teng.

PARANORMAL ACTIVITY malaysian version. xD

December 16-31st

had a little shopping spree with the KK buddy. over spent!!!! ><><

celebrated Christmas eve with the chans at Grand Millenium. :D

the buddy came back on Christmas and we had dinner at a Thai place of which I have forgotten its name. xD love you!

31st December

had a little new years eve dinner with the gang plus nura and an qi. pictures are kinda backwards, stupid uploader. =/

28-30th, stayed over in vons house in melaka. watched a few series and realized how awesome pps stream is. :D

Phoebe junior. ((: lokes dog. damn cute.

Prawn fishing in melaka. :D

2010-12-22T01:11:00.002+08:00

i decided not to give up on my blog. :D Its been almost 4 years now, why let it go now?

I started summer school 2 weeks ago, but I have yet to start revising. =/ All I've been doing is spending loads of cash, loads and loads of cash. =/ what to do, its the time of the year. shopping is crucial. anyway, have also been driving to pavilion lately, its a long and horrifying way there, but yeah, I'm totally cool with it. * im awesome*

im in no mood to talk about whatever happened, so I'm just gonna stone and head to bed soon. ((: goodnight world.

& I don't like excuses.

2010-12-13T22:17:00.005+08:00

I know I have been a little MIA-ish since october, been really busy with studies and work and exams and people and parties. haven't really had the time to sit down and have tinkle thoughts of whats happening around me and OF me. i guess having work to keep me busy gives me less time to stress about my personal issues, because i have no time to think about it!

well, i had a little fun with our biology prof. ((:

met a new group of awesome guy friends, ignore SS, xD she's already my friend. hehe

went for the AWESOME adam lambert concert with the sister and the twins. ((:

said my goodbyes to my two beloved niece and nephews. ((: they went to OZ.

still manage to squeeze a little time with the scientists.

the awesome monash girls, plus bens mom?

met a few awesome yum cha peeps. ((:

shhhH!!! he's not shisha-ing la!xD

spent ALOT of time with the loo, whom I havent seen in a long time. :D

had 5 birthday parties with different groups of awesome people. ((:

im so lucky I tell you. :D

& I'm glad to be back

2010-10-15T08:15:00.004+08:00

i had to post this.

JUST WENT TO THE MOST AWESOME CONCERT YESTERDAY NIGHT!!!!!!!!!after getting rid of a workload of stress, i finally managed to get some rest. and rest, i mean by going for ADAM LAMBERTS CONCERT. FTW> FTW. but then again, there were some spoilers. apparently, there were some protestors outside of the complex where the concert was held.

GROW UP. what century are you people living in? no gays? say no to gays? dudeeeee. gays dont just eff each other, they eff the world now.

ADAM LAMBERT IS LEGENDARY. not just an ordinary gay dude. == have you guys heard him sing? its about time you people stop scaring famous artists from the country. see what happened to Avril Lavigne? and many other superstars that actually gave a shit about coming to our country to sing? see why so many concerts are held in singapore instead of Malaysia? and I can bet there were more of you in the concert than outside the concert. GET A LIFE please. there are so much more crimes out there waiting to be stopped but here you are trying to get the most legendary rockstars out of the country. WE NEED A LIFE. WE NEED ADAM LAMBERT! we need to start respecting others before expecting others to respect us. this is a free country, a free world, we don' think gay is a crime, and I hope that it stays this way. because the next thing you know, concerts might extinct in Malaysia. and its going to be so pathetic. RESPECT, is a strong word.

Promoting gay culture? just so you know, the only thing he's promoting is OUR country. if we actually welcomed him with open arms (andlegs?) he would definitely encourage other artists to come to MALAYSIA to perform. don't ask me how. artists have their way of doing this. just, stop bitching about other people, find something else worth fussing over.

check out the link : http://foreign.peacefmonline.com/entertainment/201010/92882.php

ADAM LAMBERT EFF THE WORLD! ((:
I LOVE YOU! :D

2010-09-07T23:06:00.001+08:00

parents dont know, that daugheters hate it when they try to find someone to replace them.

to be exact,
fathers don't know. =/

2010-08-23T10:21:00.002+08:00

KAI SIANG'S 19th BIRTHDAY. (: yes it was an awesome day. i counted 17 air conds in his mansion. and he has about 4 LCD tv's but not in total, i didnt check out his parents room. kai siang kor, congratulations on being 19~!! (:

IM SLACKING. . . in blogging.

its been so hectic and busy i dont even have time to sit down to write. :( the only thing I type about now is essays, reports, assignments. one essay and one poster coming right uP! every weeks tutorial is a bitch. it's crazy. I thought getting myself a free and easy time table would slowly rock my world, but its in fact the other way round. EARTHQUAKE.

quite a number of people are complaining that I don't spend enough time with them. even my parents. i was hoping that people would be more considerate and understanding. it's not like I
don't want to hang out. I can't afford to. money wise and time wise. then why do i always go out with monash ppl? I HANG OUT WITH THEM EVERYDAY. its like, just going with the flow. you dont have to plan things in advance, and what I mean is ITS NOT PLANNED. i just follow because they're there. people should really understand. =/

the new bunch. (:

we come and go as a family.

& I'll be damned

2010-08-05T20:25:00.002+08:00

hey guess what?

I'll be driving YOU around the next time I see you.

okay.

maybe not.

but sooN!!

2010-07-26T20:47:00.003+08:00

dear friend,

you keep pushing me into the dark,

not knowing what i've done that made you refuse to speak to me.

or call me.

or hang out.

or text.

I can't seem to understand.
but then again,

real friends stay together.

no matter what happens.

I can see clearly now.
the sun is out.
there's nothing to hide anymore.

it was a pleasure meeting you.

& its okay. I know when to leave.

2010-07-22T20:03:00.000+08:00

university.

my second home.

& a-part.

2010-07-17T19:23:00.004+08:00

i had an awesome day yesterday. (:
went shopping with TTG the day before and today had to go shopping agian with LY, zyu and anei! im happy. (: im very very happy.

anei & daddy~ (LY)

darling zyu~ <3>

TTG's doggy~! SHO CUTE LAH!

WINNIE!!! omg damn long haven seen her lah!
mommy winx. xD

kai siang act cute err. YERRR!!! puik puik! xD

HAHAHAHAHA.

martin & TTG.

hehe. (:

it was us all over again.

when was the last time everyone was together?

yesterday guys.

it was yesterday.

felt like it was so long ago.

I want to thank everyone that made it that day.

and a sudden surprise by YL. xD

teong guan! your house! I LIKE!. next time dowan bbq dah. STAY OVER! hehe. thank you! SAYANG SAYANG! (:

KUNA- kuna kuna kuna, thanks for the free flow of beerr~ and please, DRIVE SAFELY. hehe. take care when ur in sWk aite? (: much love.

MARTIN! omg. martin martin. please watch out for gay dudes while in russia k? dun get raped. :O xD

and to the others. LY , zyu, JS, anand, kw, ks, vl, kk, yl,winx, thanks for coming and thanks for making yesterday a well remembered day. (:

I love you, all of you. (:

Science was boring, until I met them.

& believing you was a mistake,

trusting you was a regret.

2010-07-15T23:05:00.003+08:00

a nice melaka 2010. so as awesome as last years, but still awesome! hehe. got closer to most of the people. now we're tighter. and it feels really good. it feels, like home. (: I'm grateful to have met Kyasarin Yuii-chan~ xD ah loke's gf. she has been an awesome company to me. there were the times where I felt a little off, but a little girl time could fix that. (: Thank you catherine~! LOVE YOU! thank you tan, for driving. WT for keeping the conversations alive. HEARN AND FAMILY for the awesome hospitality. and the melaka gang as usual, for creating another awesome trip for the KL peeps. and welcome back LOO~ xD

yes. I drew that with black soy sauce. yum yuM~

uni's starting and to be honest. I can't wait. I can't wait for school to start. I've never been so excited. for real. being home and going out to spend has been hell.

might consider having grass for lunch on mondays and wednesdays. Leaves for tuesdays and thursdays and a little meat on friday. HOHO~ !

I MISS DR JUAN! :(

it's time to pretend again.

& what's left of me was you.

2010-07-09T08:42:00.002+08:00

hello beautiful

if I were to reborn as a man, I'd be DAYUM gay. (:

will be off to melaka for about 3 days. going at 3pm. == knowing the awesome timing of the ampang-ian, doubt I'll be leaving at 3pm. I havent been bloggin much, SORRY! been writing alot, in microsoft word. xD its not exactly applicable as blogging material, its almost 3 pages and3k words already. woot woot! if it reaches 100, its publishable. xD

we'll see then.

I guess it was me who didn't understand.

& why me?

2010-07-02T22:01:00.003+08:00

after 1 year, this is how it ends?

I still dont know what I did, nothing ever makes sense. I did what I should do, whatever decisions made by the other doesn't depend on me anymore.

sigh. whatever you like. =/

I miss them already. =/

I need company.

I need him.

& 爱他,却说不出口,好痛苦

2010-07-02T00:43:00.002+08:00

When I laugh, I laugh at you .

& the perfect mistake.

2010-06-27T15:12:00.003+08:00

nothings going to change anything between us.

i hope he understands that.

you , me.

its nothing.

people just have to start believing.

"I'll love you forever"

He lied.

not knowing his secrets were to be revealed.

she tried to forgive.

but Forever seemed too short a time.

torn apart by his betrayal.

she'd sworn never to miss him again.

that night,

she cried.

& once upon a time, I was dumb and naive.

things are gonna change around here.

2010-06-26T00:22:00.002+08:00

i feel 389216731723 times lighter now. . not that i weigh 94836127318237. . its just. this pressure to do well in exams. . man. i need anti-depressants. xD kidding~! haha shit syok sendiri lahhh. i cant help it. finals are done. . 1 down, 5 to go! i learnt my lesson. if you cant think anymore, just get the fuck out of the hall. . wasted half my life sitting inside singing to myself just to pass time.

ok. i stopped for a while. imma go dota now. destress. xD

I MISS YOU CHIN TZYY HEARN. haha. see. i blogged with ur name in it. need more pics la dei.

ciaoage
. dot. stop. dot.

& no more tears for an ass.

2010-06-20T17:39:00.003+08:00

this trip, this trip of ours, was supposed to be planned BEFORE my exams. and now. DURING my exams, im still willingly *not pointing any fingers* planning it. spending hours and hours, looking for hotel and rates and getting cheapest tickets cheapest hotel yet comfortable to live in. asking around, calling, texting everything here and there. and i keep getting delays. I KEEP FUCKING GETTING DELAYS. theres always some fucking problem somewhere. and now. im just fucking wishing i had a credit card . i really do. im wasting time. im wasting alot alot of time. and effort. im just so fucking frustrated that I dont want to be apart of this trip anymore. im frustrated. why is it taking so fucking long? i just want to get this over with. i told people that i was gonna pass the task to them just so i could pay more attention to my fucking finals. but i just couldn't, once its my responsibility, i can't just throw it to someone else. but now, i regret. trying so so hard just to make it work. and what is this? whats going to happen next? im tired. im not blaming or pointing fingers at anyone. im just really tired. i have one more paper to go, and, this paper is gonna be my first priority until the 25th of june , 530 pm. please don't ask me anything about the trip anymore. im tired of planning. im frustrated, tired. im sorry.

& i've been trying to laugh all day.

2010-06-13T17:17:00.000+08:00

brb on the 17th. (:

& jamie's alive. (:

2010-06-10T22:15:00.002+08:00

i had a miserable day today. my first time nerding in coffee bean. and i cried.
this prostitute looking girl. tripped onto my laptop charger wire. and.. dragged my whole laptop to the ground. the CD rom thingy popped out halfway. now its hang loose!!! my earphones went along with the laptop. seperated form my ears. come to think of it. it kinda hurt a lil. the earphones burst too and the wires were sticking out. my charger seperated too. i mean. not broked into half. the connection place seperated. the girl. said sorry without looking at me. not only that. she said sorry ONCE.*who the hell slams someones laptop onto the ground and says sorry ONCE!??!?!?! * and her mom. best lah. came over. picked up my 180 degrees spread open laptop up and asked her daughter if she fell down. thank you woman. i feel your concern. i wonder if she felt my pain. my one and only laptop. my FIRST laptop thts gonna have to last me for 3 years. your good daughter just dragged the whole thing and slam it onto the ground loud enough for the table at the far right to notice. and YET she is still able to walk swiftly/gracefully into coffee bean to get her fucking tea. * BREATHS IN* if you didn't notice, i didnt swear much in there. don't get overexcited please, im saving the best for last. (:

and if you didnt know the number of *FULLSTOPS* i put is the number of FUCK im about to say. or INDIRECTLY SAID.

she hid her face from me the whole time. I calmly picked my earphones and unplugged my battery and put my laptop to hibernate. i held on to it the whole time. sher-rin held on to it for me when i went to the loo. anyway. i immediately called hearn, but I couldn't explain what happened. I WAS GONNA CRY MIND YOU. and then i did. not those out loud thing. but yeah. fark it. i called kakak too. after pee-ing. XD

Out to the girl who did what she did today.

thank you. for making me realize that there are such people out there. and I hope you and your mom will succeed in your family prostitute business. And your sister. WOAH ur sister's hot. I hope she makes it BIG too. Your dad must be SOO proud. (:

& okay, you don't need me, i know.

2010-06-09T21:17:00.002+08:00

feeling special for a moment just isn't enough.

a moment isn't forever.

there are things that everyone says to everyone.

I just can't believe you did.

I don't know what to say anymore.

should I be as happy as you are right now?

I'll just pretend I don't know.

I'm strong.

I know I am.

and why I hate asking questions?

because the answers tear a hole through my heart.

& sometimes, its better to pretend.

2010-06-06T13:48:00.004+08:00

i kept telling myself that i was sacrificing for others.
it was just an excuse.

after all,
who else could i blame it on?

" it was me, I swear it was."

I finally found a way to make myself feel better.

that i loved you,

and I believe you did too.

& I'm happy, believe me.

2010-06-05T23:24:00.005+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SIMMMM~~!!!

approximately 1 year ago,

he was this normal looking lala dude.

to me.

he just looked like a potential lala/emo kid.*OUCH xD

then again,

LITTLE DID I KNOW. (:

this little sweetheart here had his own other half.

and they started their long journey wayyyy back then.

he's a guitarist.

she's a sweetheart. (:

also known as XREN tan . xD

he's a man with thoughts.

and ALOT to say. haha

but once he's committed,

he's determined to clear off anything approaching his "AU MENG".

HAH!

I still remember last year. ( grandma stories! XD)

my family went to melaka.

so i decided to call them up.

we weren't really tight back then.

but he still came to the hotel to pick us up.

me and my bro that is.

and brought us around melaka.

him & the whole melaka gang.

out to those who didn't quite appreciated their presence and existence.

YOUR LOSS LA WEIH.

how la man? xD

* Pamela Anderson * Jennifer Connelly * RX8 *

** von **

anything else? (:

haha. never ending kot.

BLOW the candles out sim BLOW them out~~ !! HAHAH

the worthwhile cupcakes. hehe

thank you jun & shawn for accompanying me.

happy birthday sim. :)

"dear diary,

I am blessed. (:

with wonderful wonderful people."

& jamie , you be strong. (:

2010-06-04T01:06:00.003+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY OL BLOG!!!!!!!!!!!! yes. screw you. my blog has feelings too~ . =)

& whats wrong with you?

2010-06-01T20:27:00.003+08:00

i m a fucking selfish person.

and i cant change that.

i hate myself for wanting to be cared.

to be someone important to everyone.

im an ass.

i know that.

but i cant help it.

& stop already, just , stop.

2010-05-30T15:34:00.003+08:00

i feel pathetic knowing how pathetic you are.
you are PATHETIC.
and it makes me pathetic to even care.

i saw what I never want to see.
I read what i never thought i'll read.
and i cant help to imagine you going back to her.

anyone.

anyone but her.

"I want to be a toilet bowl in my next life.

and when shit comes,

I'll be able to flush them all away."

quote Jamie Lee.

no. no jokes here.

& what have I become?

2010-05-30T01:24:00.003+08:00

im starting to hate it.

not because of that, im not sure of what anymore.

im a girl.

i can sense things happening around me.

some predictions may be uncertain,

dont get me wrong.

its just that boundary that was bound to be crossed.

What am I to you?

I'll never understand that.

if I fall apart now, whos going to save me?

I became a monster.

a cute monster. (:

& if you love me,

its your last chance to relight the candles.

I can't wait to forget you.

2010-05-28T02:03:00.000+08:00

still here . xD
if you know what i mean. (:

2010-05-24T22:51:00.003+08:00

are you feeling guilty?

of what you've done?

of what I never seem to forget.

are you being reminded of it?

thats why we don't talk?

i dont hate you for it. i really dont.

I miss the spontaneous talks.
I miss our randomsity.
I miss how everything was back as it was.

Pathetic-ly, imissyou.

you killed part of me.

but another part of me still loves you.

& after all this, let it be gone.

2010-05-22T18:26:00.002+08:00

im still

trying to leave everything behind.

I really wished everything would go back to normal.

i really do.

& its as if I don't exist.

2010-05-20T20:06:00.003+08:00

i watched justin bieber on american idol today!! well i THINK it was him. too small to be spotted on stage.

that reminds me. justing bieber twitted that kim kardashian was his girlfriend or something? yeah. Im not sure if its true. but hey, i bet kim kardashian's boobs are bigger than his head. seriously. enough shit bieber?

and about that 3 year old crying for him. i told you he was 7! is bieber lying about his age? flirting with a 3 year old then making her cry?? I honestly CAN't watch any justin bieber videos la. not even baby or one less lonely girl or some other songs. it kills my brain cells 1 million at a time. his voice. dude. the first time i heard baby on the radio, i thought it was katy perry/pink , never knew it'd be a DUDE. and i never knew USHER would be his manager!?!!!!! I know there's a gazillion female fans plotting some big fat murder behind my back now, but hey. i admit, in reareeety justin bieber is VERRYY VERRRYY VERRRY popular.

if he ever decides to change sex. I'd vote yes. (:
btw. the original picture of kim kardashian is effin hot!! ;)

& the long waited desire.

2010-05-19T10:32:00.009+08:00

I finally realize how I mean nothing to you.

i am slowly seeing the light.

hearn. sher-rin. sim. ben. (:

im sorry.

but this is as far as I can go, for now.

barriers.

blame it on the barriers.

& at least show that you care.

2010-05-18T19:36:00.003+08:00

i left my blogger on in new post since 8 nightish. took me THAT long to realize that no matter how hard i try , those words just can't seem to construct itself. (:

im fine.

I guess.

I just miss you a little.

I think.

& tell me why.

2010-05-16T19:54:00.009+08:00

The past, The present & everything else in between. (:

FLASHBACKS ! Penang '09 .

December '09 . JunPins wedding

December '09 RICHARD's wedding.

penang. XD malas wana move it up lah!

the long lost best friend. (: (:

the AUSMAT-ians!

Genting May 2010 (:

November '09 -Awards Night

Kuantan Jan 2010! (:

the best of 2009 (:

december 2009 Melaka! ❤ ❤

out to those ausmatians that made 2009 a memorable year.

thank you.

big big ❤ 's out to the melaka gang :

HEARN kor! ❤

Sim & eevon.

Loke.

TJ Lye.

Lao da/ chow yoon

and to

LOO!

JH tan & wan teng.

2010's not as bad as it seems.

thank you. (:

& I'll try to find myself again.

2010-05-16T01:03:00.003+08:00

how many times am i gonna tell myself that

I don't care anymore

I want to give up.

this is not worth it

why am i putting myself through so much pain?

i want to make everything clear to you.

I tried.
but I just couldn't say it.

the chances are 50 50 .

what are the odds?

i have a big ego.

and I'll just have to live with it.
plus all the pain it brings.

& anyone, anyone but her.

2010-05-14T23:37:00.006+08:00

im tired. I just want to know the truth. Becauese im tired of questions, having to answer them myself. im tired of trying to figure out why. why is it that you treat me that way? why nice? why is it that whenever I see you, whenever im with you, everything seems real? that I feel whole again. somehow, i know that you know something. I know that you feel something. but i just want to hear the truth, word by word, coming from you.

What do you want from me??

Im tired of waiting. this worthless wait.

I mean,

why bother?

Why put yourself in so much pain? but then again, i've been too happy lately i guess. xD everyone's gotta go through rain before having sunshine. or have sunshine before rain. or I dont think it even matters.

Im not sad. im not angry. im not disappointed. but, im not happy either.

its like you're trying to push me away , but at the same time pulling me closer.

What am i to you?

im not sure if you're realizing whats happening here. Im lost too. suddenly, im having this bad bad feeling. that soon, im just gonna be like everyone else. a nobody to you.

Im tired, please don't keep me from waiting.

& a little too reluctant to let go.

2010-05-13T21:25:00.003+08:00

im tired.

i hate dreaming.

nothings real.

but then again,

I feel 1032123 times better that it happened in my dreams.

Reality should tastes sweeter.

& eat. me. up. slowly.

2010-05-10T22:34:00.002+08:00

when will I finally realize that you're not worth my time and effort?

& i hate it when there's still hope.

2010-05-09T13:37:00.001+08:00

you, me and martini. (:

& I still believe in us.

2010-05-08T21:55:00.004+08:00

let's go fishing. (:

fark. im too read-able. :( my best friend reads me like a farking book. a farking farking book.
thank you hearn. (: for being the best i can ever ever have.

oh farkety-fark. even ben can read me.

she wants to be something to you.

or at least know that you care.

somehow it seems,

to be happy,
she's gotta set you free.

" but i'll pretend I don't "

& I'll never let you go through this alone.

IWICLY

2010-05-07T18:28:00.003+08:00

a little berbonding session with the BF, BITCH FOREVER . (:
tiap tiap hari ikut aku ke uni. HEHEHEH. syok lah. (:
we had ALOT ALOT of serious talks about alot alot of people. hehe. thanks. i really feel much better now. (: (:

new shoes! (:

thank you darling TJ lye. (:

and thank you hearn for picking it up. (:

i can't breathe.

there's no space for me to,

let it go.

I wish I could love you.

& I'll give him some time, before i really move on.

2010-05-06T00:23:00.002+08:00

& I feel protected again. (:

2010-05-01T21:42:00.008+08:00

i watched IP MAN 2!!!!! the sister seah, kakak,shawn, ben, TJun, Wai Leong, Hamsapweng, & aaron. honestly speaking, ip man 2 was NOT the bomb.. just halfway ticking. Im not sure if its because i didnt watch the first Ip man. but donnie yen. AWESOME.
donnie yen vs. sammo hung. AWESOME. donnie yen vs. twister. AWESOME. donnie yen vs. praying mantis. AWESOME. just a LITTLE fake parts in between, but still acceptable. action packed movie.

and for someone who doesnt speak cantonese and only understands ABIT of cantonese, the shows nice. (:

the sister seah

BEN (: and Jun =D

KAKAK!!!! (:

SHAWNNNNN. (:

Jun & ben

Jun & I

after lunch. head back to uni to SUPPOSINGLY retake effin mid term.. but then. . lecturer not only made me and jessie walk up 6 floors, but didnt allow us to retake the WHOLE mid term test, just the parts we left out. :( cant score 30/30.

LEFT : wai leong and the sister.

RIGHT: shawn, jun, jamie.

headed back to peelameet with seah and wai leong for the second movie with shawn. xD HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON but as said by ting jun HOW I MET YOUR DRAGON. xD heeeeeeeeheeeeeeee. COMPLICATED MUCH?

conclusion is , friday was awesome, you guys were awesome, dinner, lunch, snacks, ice cream, food, walks, talks, movies were awesome. (:

& i want to be there for you. (:

2010-04-29T00:36:00.003+08:00

stop confusing me now.
minute you're here, minute you're there with someone else.
don't waste my time.
it feels as if you're a two timer, or I'm just a substitute.
Day after day,
what I see, what I read,
I dont understand you anymore.
I don't understand them anymore.

everythings just a game.

but to me,
it never will be.

I came from reality.

and thats where I'll always be.

please, don't play with my feelings.

& sometimes, nothings funny anymore.

2010-04-24T03:07:00.006+08:00

you don't impress me much.

why bother trying so hard when what you feel just isn't real?

one minute, its as if they'd die for you,
and the next,it becomes the total opposite.

i can't tell the difference.

Am i special to you?

sometimes,

I just feel so far away from everything.

she's dying to be something to you.

but thats not important anymore.

when would she know that to you its her.
and not feel so insecure?
when will she NOT be everyone else to you but HER?

she thought she felt something different.

guess not.

& she's just another person to you, like every other.

2010-04-24T00:00:00.002+08:00

finally tried haagen daez fondue today. (:

freakkinngggggg awesome . :)

thannks for taking me out for a destress meal. (:

iloveyou. (:

& i dont wana be just ANYONE.

2010-04-18T16:13:00.004+08:00

now that there's someone else, I don't think you'll need me no more.

Everyone says that love hurts,

but thats not true.

loneliness hurts; rejection hurts;losing someone hurts.

Everyone confuses these things with love.

In reality,

Love is the only thing in the world

that covers up all the pain

and makes us feel wonderful again. :)

& please don't let me go.

2010-04-14T16:59:00.003+08:00

would you have felt the same?
its just so hard to explain.

I have 3 years.
please let them be pleasant.

& what more can be done? :/

2010-04-14T01:01:00.003+08:00

some day I'll never want to forget.

the day where someone normal beame so important.

HAHAHA.

no couple shit la.

berbonding sessions with TJ LYE.

LONG TIME NO SEE, loo SR.

evon, sim, loke....

sien d lah. xD

& I found something worth fighting for. (:

2010-04-10T01:45:00.003+08:00

but inside im dying.

& I don't want to be falling again, without having someone to catch me.

2010-04-08T20:08:00.005+08:00

what i really miss in 2009. .

KUANTAN TRIP! :D :D all the food. zyu wenn's driving! juen serns urhm,..... nose shit? LOL

LIP YONG GETTING MOLESTED. lip yong getting BOMBED by juen sern.

zyu wenn getting dragged into the sea.

juen sern eating tom yam.

juen sern sweating.

juen sern drinking cold tea.

juen sern crying. HAHA . okay. maybe not

ROLE PLAY! keanweng stripping, gay teacher screaming.. GAY TEACHER STREAMING AS KEAN WENG STRIPS.

CHIAH! big sister! :)

MY AUSMAT FAMILY! :)

disappearence of MS. LOO SHER-RIN. :(

banyak the long tak keep in touch.

multicultural??? friendship. XD

what i really mean is..

multi-hair-curly and straight friendship. HAHA

i miss you navin. :)

FAKE boy-f moments. xD

ALL MINE LAH! hah

all the last times. :)

OMG. XIAN JIN. :)

MELAKA TO KL TRIPS! :)

KL TO MELAKA TRIPS! :)

drunktard moments lah. :)

i misss. the hotel moments. ;p

HAHA!

and my awesome foursome. :)

I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH!

bila reunion lah?

& thank you, 'nuff said.

2010-04-05T18:30:00.003+08:00

don't worry,
im fine.
everythings fine. :) '

( the remake of what i ate. XD )

been having really really awesome meals with ~~jamie~~ janey seah! gonna stuff myself with good food before break ends. TEEHEE! am really semangat-ed. heading to uni almost everyday, staying back and all.. finishing assignments reports projects discussions quizzes. you name it. but just so you know, i am not officially a nerd yet.. i have some ppl to occupy that spot. :)

will snap some stalker pics of them soon. :)

KENNETH SHAK IS KEEPING SECRETS FROM ME!!!!!!!! :(

some secret that i already know. xD

& he could be miles away, my love still reaches for his heart.

2010-03-31T00:00:00.005+08:00

i still don't get how 3 year olds cry for justin boober.. no matter how hard I try, i can't like his songs.. people actually refer to him as the future justin timberlake.. hmm. maybe thats acceptable, after a few surgeries and enlargements ( if you know what i mean) sorry kids, justin boober is just NOT MY TYPE.

uni has been rather interesting!! :) staying back has been awesome. haha. its so hard to explain.. my library ceiling looks like a bunch of starch granules viewed under microscope. xD met quite alot of new fun peeps. .i love FST lab.. xD maybe thats about it.. other shits about uni spells miserable.. chem tutorial questions are being a pain in the ass. . hole. sigh. the questions are something you've never heard before in your life.. its like.. newly invented.. not even in textbook... hehee.

Of fart machines, wantan, sui gao, long beans, starch granules, gay guys, forrest gumps, bean bags, stair climbings, library alarms, lift buttons, LOL-till-pee-ness ETC. xD

& theres more ahead of us. :)

2010-03-27T22:02:00.003+08:00

memoirs of the past..

.. okay. maybe just 3 months ago. xD

cousins wedding. helped out as a photographer. xD had to get used to the functions of 1 camera and 1 dslr. :)

WILL BE BACK FROM ANOTHER STRESS WEEK. WITH HOLIDAY!! HEEHEE. i miss alot of people. :(

& when its time to go, I will.

2010-03-26T13:04:00.003+08:00

If you still don't know what love is,

don't be in it.

HJAGSFTAFDAWHUEIUTIUAIRUWIUEISTRESSJIFSAUI

& disappear.

2010-03-21T16:17:00.003+08:00

i thank God for giving me the gift od a thick skull. sigh. I dread getting my hair washed at a salon.. its like they're using a drill to scratch my head. damn. I wan my hair WASHED.. not scraped clean.. i envy the ppl sitting next to me.. having their heads bobbed left right front back and yet don't feel any pain.. As for me, I have to say "tak mau garu, tak mau garu , takmaugarutakmaugarueoiuawudfyegau..." I wonder if i'll ever lose my voice saying that.. My head hurts.. and thats not all, the part where they have to wash off the shampoo isn't any better. . I'd rather write a lab report. -.- had my head scraped for at least 30 minutes.. maybe the next time you see me. . i'd be half bald.. this year, i want hairpro for my birthday and a wig for christmas. XD

& what you left behind, was something I could never forget.

2010-03-20T10:47:00.003+08:00

i am currently trying to get used to the workloads i get everyday.. its not easy. with 24 hours of class a week. and some really retarded seniors who think they're bloody awesome. -.- seriously. during food science yesterday, some of my course mates asked a few question.. this beyotch just kept mumbling in chinese (as if i dont understand), and insulting my course mates. yeah la. banyak awesome la, i dont see why ur taking a LEVEL ONE subject during ur second/third year. oh wait. maybe because you FAILED it. dumb bitch.

oh. and since im superb free now (AND HEARNS NOT HERE YET! >:( ) i'll just blog a little more la. xD WHAT HAS BECOME OF AMERICAN IDOL??? for those who watched the part where victoria beckham was judge.. this may sound familiar to you : " i like your style, i like your fashion, like how you wear... " how could i forget? kfhdjahoieuyteaoi, she should be going for AMERICA's NEXT TOP MODEL judge lahh. -.-

this year, for the guys, im supporting Tim Urban + BIG MIKE. :)

DID BENAMI . :) the girls.

and my all-time sexy and hot fav. :) LAMMMBERTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!! *rawr*

& the last time i checked, stress does not define how im feeling now.

2010-03-18T11:42:00.002+08:00

as you all may have heard, the lightning fucked my modem. badly. and now. im netless. Just said goodbye to the 400bucks modem that was burnt, leaving an awesome sulfur smell ( according to shak). but i'll be back. :) soon.

with. urhm. stories.

& yours sincerely. :)

2010-03-10T10:10:00.003+08:00

something retarded kenntities tried out. XD but i made it my own. haha. xD

okay. classes has been miserable. timetables jam packed. and itx extra boring when it comes to uni. :( statistical reasoning is hell, they expect you to finish an assignment in 2 hours.. some farking workshop. :( :( . oh. we have our very own malaysian idol in class. no, his singing SUCK BALLS! no joke. he kept singing cantonese and chinese song. Blaaaaaaaaaghk*chokes*dies. yeah. its THAT serious. and the lecture is on going, but he just keeps singing. so tired la. sigh.

ah-nee-way. celebrated the hearns birthday at my place on sunday. damnit. got conned by jh, and its not even my birthday!! :( ! i was so so dissapointed at first when jh said he couldnt come, coz hearn and js would be stranded. maner tau. when the door bell rang. saw some bloody silver car parked outside. XD FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKKKKKKKKKKKKK lo. but, thank you for coming. (: although it was hearns bday. ohohohohhohohohO. AZHAR CAME OVER ON SATURDAY HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA (: (: . miss YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!any-anyway, I can't remember what i wanted to post! but i miss ausmat lots lots.

& when you look me in the eyes.

2010-03-05T22:03:00.002+08:00

I am a flower that could be seen everywhere.
the flower that stood alone.
the flower no one would pick.

because it was never special.

because I was never special,

to you.

& because I was reluctant to let go.

2010-03-03T21:31:00.000+08:00

i cant. :(

2010-02-27T21:03:00.007+08:00

when you were a kid, it was so easy to pick something you wanted to be. When I wanted to be a doctor, all daddy needed to do was to buy me a toy stethoscope. I'll run around trying to listen to heartbeats on the tv, teddy bears, myself, and PRETEND i hear something. but daddy never bought me a stethoscope, because I never asked for one.

But i was always given fake food and have fake tea and fake cooking sessions. And hell yeah i was a great chef!! Every year you get different class form teachers and every year they ask you the same thing, what is your dream job, what do you want to be when you grow up? Were you always keen on what you wanted to be? or what you were always pretending to be when you were younger then?

I don't usually expect big and expensive things. just common things such as clothes and stuff. Do you always get what you want? To be honest with you, I normally do.

Until now.

but I have finally come to accept that, if you can't get what you want, always be satisfied with what you have. I guess depressed just isn't my thang yo~! no matter how much I hate what I'm stuck with for 3 years now, I still have to do it. there's the difference between T-junctions and dead ends. 1, T-junctions give you 2 choices, dead ends leaves you with, no choice. I'm not at a dead end, I am stuck in a roundabout, I don't know if I should turn at 3 o clock, 6 o clock, 10 o clock, 5 o clock or 12 o clock, or just get ONTO it.

what would your life become if everything went smoothly as planned? no challenges, no problems, no mistakes. just a perfect life. then you are no different then those useless homeless people that don't give a shit about their life. NO OFFENCE though. :) I've read enough horoscopes and personality quiz thingy and i'm stunned by what they say about me. which is 90% true.

you're living on a rocky road dear buddies, be ready for some big fat rock/bumpy road infront of you. you can't be happy unless you start thinking stupidly.Don't get stunned by problems and challenges. SOLVE them.

& love is just a SMALL part of what you'll be facing as long as you're still breathing.

word of advice though. make sure you have some friends with you all the time. they can be really efficient sand bags. :) punch 'em. btw, you're not fat unless I say you are. did I make you feel any better? you're fat, and ugly and saggy and disgusting and you should die now. Does it really matter what people say about you?

& I love you just the way you are. :) thank you.

2010-02-27T00:04:00.004+08:00

prison break is awesome . :) they deserve like 1000 oscars man. freaking shit ass unpredictable awesome-ness. or to make it easier for you to understand, ORGASMIC! haha. really really awesome show..

its all about mastermind,

nothing is ever what it seems. :)

Wentworth Miller as Michael Scofield.

the loyal brother and mastermind of the pack. he's got brains, lots of them.

hot and intelligent. what more do you want?? xD

Dominic Purcell as Lincolm Burrows.

michaels elder adopted brother, brave and stubborn.

awesome awesome shit! :)

Amaury Nolasco as Fernando Sucre.

innocent and charming. loyal friend to mike scof.

ALSO hot. :)

William Fichtner as Alex mahone .

When the cool cops go bad. :) and YET still look cool.

also smart, but unstable and emotional.

Robbert Knepper as Theodore Bagwell (T-Bag)/Cole Pfieffer

he's a villian, but his acting is superbly professional.

evil, but awesome. :)

its just weird if you don't watch prison break. I use to think it was a lame and long story, then I started watching a few episodes myself. and started feeling adrenaline rush everytime Wentworth M. does something dangerous. then you start telling yourself you wanna stop after this cd, but you end up watching the next one, and the next next one. :)

A little miller tonight? :)

& I can't face the world alone.

2010-02-23T21:27:00.003+08:00

for a really really "special" friend. :)

mentally, and physically disabled.
HAHAHAHA. kidding la. :)

Zihang ( didi ) . the guy that has been calling me a MAN since he knew me.
its kinda rude. but he knows I don't mind.
but I do. xD
we have the same ELD class, but I see him once a month in class.
professional class skipper.
and he was easily remembered, especially when lecturers pick him to read a few lines of essays or notes. heehee. he's really really adorable. in a very retarded way. he doesnt talk dirty very often, so whenever he does that, it kinda sounds stupid.
*haha*

he lived as my other ear, and other mouth, commenting on anything he disagreed upon.
he's been my little companion and helping hand.
ensuring I was never alone. and yeah. I never was. :)

it didnt matter to me how he spoke. his words stayed firm in my head.
and sometimes, even if I thought he was wrong,
he wasn't.
he would sit and listen to me rant until my mom came to pick me.
he would tell me what I should do.

he has been one of them unforgettable ausmat peeps. :)
and no, he's not dead larh.
he's in newcastle now. :)
far far away from home.

have an awesome trip love!!!!!!!
bring home some hot aussie dudes! :)

I should've been in tasmania now. sigh. I would've gone to tazzie zoo by now.
camped in their gorgeous forest.
had road trips to melb.
meet new fancy people.
but, life's just so unfair.
someone else is having fun there.jackass xD
well, on behalf of me i guess.

& I'll wait as long as you want me to.
fated to love you.

2010-02-19T22:52:00.002+08:00

don't you wish you had more money?
don't you wish you could provide your family with the best?
don't you wish you could lessen your parents burden?
don't you think you're a burden to them?

" I can't go on holidays, need to provide you with good education"

he once said.

I don't want him skipping meals just to save money.

I want him,

to be healthy.

I am a burden now.

a big fat stubborn burden.

i am depressed.
and always with the same thing.
I guess some things need changes around here.

& 10 years, 50 years, 100 years,

he's still gonna be the best man.

2010-02-19T01:30:00.004+08:00

okay. i am taking a gazillion deep breaths right now.

I finally know what true/real/serious/honest/best friends are like. they don't abandon you halfway, they don't keep secrets from you, they share their problems with you, they show you their true self, they'll know when you're down & they'll pick you up. they cry with you, they smile with you, and they laugh LOUDER than you. ;) its so nice listening to all the good stuff about friends. thank LORD i have some real ones. mine aren't perfect, but at least when all of their personalities add together, it creates this beautiful circle of friendship.and im really really very grateful. to be honest with you, i am pissed.

people change, we ALL know that. but sometimes you're not quite sure if YOU're the one changing or is it them. now im sure, that its them. not me. I don't understand how your best friend can suddenly become this bastard stranger that pretends you don't exist. some of them are nothing but pretenders, they make me sick. I'm sick and tired of friends that talk more than taking action. they tell you this this that that and all they do is this. and when you get the worst ones, the 2-faced. they think I'm stupid, infront they're all smiley happy, but behind, they stab non stop. Now I thank my brother for teaching me how to be selfish, with money I mean. So i dont go around spending money FOR people rather than myself. I AM NOT RETARDED.

you know you can't control me.

I feel like apart of me just died just now. I was so easily forgotten by **********. ( the stars don't matter,so don't bother trying to fit ur name in it ) . its so unfair, how you treated someone and what you get in return isn't worth the time you spend on them? okay okay. one word, whatthefuck. I, believe in Karma, i believe they will be treated the same way as how they treated me. like shit. why do people SAY so much but everything turns out to be a pile of shit? why do they always provide me with something to hope for when they're not even aware of it?

sometimes, I don't even know what I'm talking about anymore.

buttttttt, all I know is, that circle of college friends that I really look up to would definitely be YJS, LSR, KSHAK, PZW, AZ, CTH. thank you for making me feel special, for being super super understanding. :) CHEEZY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! xD

& there are the beautiful people, and the people who makes life beautiful.

2010-02-17T21:12:00.003+08:00

why people that don't wear bra freak me out.

Sagittarius WOMAN

A tall slim and graceful woman who walked proudly like she is walking in a beauty pageant competition. If she slips or nearly falls, she will nicely covered it up and continue with her graceful and impressive walking step. She knows how to use make up to enhance her beauty. She looks at the world positively, so her face always seem so happy. She will not get upset easily.

Self confident woman who believes in her own style. She will not follow fashion, but standing in between simplicity and too modern. She is a very open person, sometimes can be too blunt. She is an honest person and never try to cause troubles for any one.

She likes to say something that you do not want to hear and yet she can say something so pleasing at the same time. Example she may say "I wish you could make more money, so you could afford better cloth, but anyway it is better this way. If you make more money you could be thinking of money too much and become greedy". She can say such thing and make you wonder if you should get upset or love her more.

She is also a free spirit and does not like to stay home. She likes to be protected, but not to give her orders. She has no respect to a weak man. If she tries to over power you, then you have to calm her down and try to control her to be in a limit by doing the same thing too. She will listen if she respects you. She likes to be herself and like her guy to be himself.

She is a no nonsense woman, so you will not hear she says "Guess what I will do next", or "Guess what I am thinking" because she always say what she is thinking out loud like a guy. If you do not understand her in this matter, you could easily break up with her. She sees problems in her love life as another funny story.

She is clumsy and it is in her nature. You may think it is cute, but for some neat guys this could be so unbearable. She is very friendly, so she can easily turn her enemy to be her friends. She has good taste in fine cloths, good food, first class and first services. Even a poor woman in this Zodiac will struggle to afford such good taste. She could spent lots of money as if she can not understand how difficult it is to make money. If you think of let her borrow money, think again.
She is a paranoid. If she thinks you like her, she may already think about getting marry and lost her freedom and so on and on(maybe not this xD ). A jolly woman who loves sports. She is an ordinary woman who could dress like a tomboy. She has more guy friends and sometimes could act like one of a guy. She does not care about rumors, so she can get home very late and couldn't careless what her neighbour will gossip about her. She thinks either good or bad, you will know it yourself , so you should not bother what people think.

Her wit and innocent look are her charms. She is often hurt from love, but never afraid to look for a new one as if she is singing "Do that to me one more time". She likes going straight and being straight forward. She will not go around to get what she wants, or beat around the bush just to say something. If you meet her and tell her straight what you think, she will admire you.

YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW TRUE THIS IS!!!

you have no freaking idea.

they just missed out the part bout being stubborn.xD

seriously. i was STUNNED while reading.

& I really really wished I could love you.

2010-02-16T21:18:00.004+08:00

HAPPY CNY EVERYONE!

im back, from THE hometown. :)

the POT OF GOLD.
xD
RM106 worth of bettings, went into the hands of the wise goat.

our main course for the day.

HAHAHAHHAHA. siao ar?

daddy used a DEAD dragonfly for this picture.xD

I carved chinese wordings with a carrot. xD

the LEE- nephew. :)

mommy owl.

baby owl. :)

HAPPY HAPPPY NEW YEAR! :)
and the start of a new year feels so
RAWR
p.s sorry for not replying some of the new year wishes. :S

& you're out there,
trying not to fall, again.

2010-02-12T15:12:00.002+08:00

its not that im not updating, its i CANT update. i duno whats wrong with the laptop. ish. after installing kaspersky 2010 or was it 2009, i cant get into FB or blogger OR youtube. bitch. i cant upload pics to this computer only to the laptop, but i cant blog with the laptop only with the computer. WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!

been bumming around, going out from time to time, had a rebonding session with may yi. :) she's getting weak, only 2 hours of non stop walking and she gets tireddddddd. phoooooooey! took some pictures , BUT I CAN"T POST IT HERE. bitch. -.- had the flu few days ago, took almost 3 hours to settle down THEN sleep. bitch. and some dumbnut called me at 1.30 a.m asking for PIZZA HUT, DOMINO'S and pundek hut. -.- you know who you are la. LOL

this is gonna be dull and boring, cause im not planning to post up any pictures. XD had coconut shake just now, from home la. better than the one in melaka. not because I made it, because you haven TRIED it. :) heh. and have you watched american idol season 9? because I LOVE ELLEN DEG. in it!! XD you step forward, you go to the left, step back, step forward, you're all through to the next round! XD freaking gay la!! well, she kinda is. :)

ah-neeway. im getting boring right? :S will be back after chinese new year to post up everything. yeah. gonna transfer pics from com to com. Sigh. for the sake of. blogging.

& life is hard, just when you say it is.

life is hard.

2010-02-07T21:54:00.002+08:00

IM SICK! :(

but sheep says hi . :)

they kept giving me hope.
somehow I know its never gonna happen.
but part of me wants it to.
sigh,
sometimes,
I wish those little voices would leave me alone.

& how many times does she need to remind herself
that they were not meant to be.

2010-02-04T23:50:00.003+08:00

i am busy.

which is a good thing. coz it actually keeps my mind OFF things. :) had a day date with TJ, his brother, and loo. loo was supposed to go shopping with jia hoe, but as predicted, kena ffk. TYPICAL LA TYPICAL. but to make her happy, I just went with the flow as if JH was coming. xD

anyway! headed to BUKIT BINTANG, then to midvalley. then joined forces with TJ's family for dinner. xD im having serious indigestions now, doubt i'll sleep. :)

happy birthday to azie dear. :) i hope u have a great one, without me. xD MISS YOU! LOVE YOU.

& how did she get there???
kenny knows what i mean. xD

2010-02-01T01:22:00.003+08:00

she thought she had everything under control.
she thought everything was gonna be easy to forget.
she thought everything was back to normal.
she thought she was strong to enough to take the pain all over again.
she thought, of lying in his arms again tonight, and fall asleep.
she thought she could lie down on his shoulders again.

she knew she meant nothing to him,
but she's reluctant to let go.

somehow, he'll never know about the scar he left
deeply marked on her heart.

& yet she craves for his love.

2010-01-30T20:40:00.002+08:00

azhar jia hoe, started UNI.
one of the M's, going far far away.
the other 3 will be around.
but when will it be when all of us will be together again?
will I have the time to spend?

they went home.

everything seems so quiet now.

the extra brother that lived in my house while the real one was away.

went home too.

no one to disturb.

no one to swear at.

no one to stay up late with.

no one to tell me stories.

no one to syok sendiri with.

no one to make random fruit blends with in the middle of the night.

no one to drive me around.

no one to complain to.

seems so sad that they're gone.
haha. must be the overwhelming company they provided me with.
thank you all.
I'LL BE IN M E L A K A SOON! :)

its called COURTESY to reply messages.

for those of you who don't know.

unless,

you're planning on talking to that person online.

if not,

reply godamnit.
sho da fuzzle annoying.

& if it takes a whole life to heal that wound,

bring on the pain.

2010-01-27T21:22:00.002+08:00

yesterday, had dinner with the M's, loo and tan together with my sis. had a really really awesome night with a few awesome vroom vrooms and weird weird jokes. :)

I rode!

kelisa sports. xD

takde la. mini cooper s.

shu yan - loke - hearn - JAM. :)

ate at the MAGIC wok.

alot of food that could've been used to feed the Haiti victims,

were sadly, wasted.

3 down syndrome kids thought they saw a UFO land.

apparently, not.

the peeps, minus sim and my sis. :)

had to send my sis back earlier because she had SCHOOL.

after that, the ride, was definitely HISTORY.

crazy crazy rides,

not safe for kids. :S

thank you all, for being able to make it that night.

The tan dropped by for I-dont-know-what reason after dropping me and hearn.

had a LONG LONG talk of alot alot of things.

haha. its good to have the old times back.

surprisingly his MOM called.

he left at 130 a.m . my visions were getting really really weird.

haha. everytime i looked at someone, my eyes auto focused and zoom.

haha. freaking, ass, weird. :)

& all the way to KL, hope you guys had a good time.

& please, don't let me break into pieces again.

2010-01-23T22:29:00.004+08:00

I've been MIA-ing for quite some time, not because I'm busy. but because im too FREE. till I stone at home. STONE. practically waking up at 12+pm everyday and walk around the house as a daily exercise. :S

but I noted down some stuff I wanted to write. :) yes, i carry a little notebook everywhere I go, or to be more exact, I carry a little notebook when I'm around the house. xD

18th January 2010 .

I bet everyone has dreams. even I do. now here comes the almighty question , are your dreams just bullshit??

no offence.

first off, I think people should state CLEARLY what their dreams are under, what I mean is, LABEL them.

there are 2 categories for DREAMS.

1. BULLshit 2. SERIOUS shit.

I know you know what I mean.

there are the I wana marry ( put celeb name here ) , or I wana be King! queen!! or I wanna invent to TIME MACHINE. yeah . label that under bullshit shall we?

and for those who are clear of where they're living IN which is REALITY of which some of you may not have heard, congratulations, you don't have bullshit dreams. yeah. I sound like an emo bitch. I'd rather refer it to " THE UGLY TRUTH". xD . sometimes u just gotta live with facts that are better KNOWN. Watching too much korean, japanese, taiwan, hongkong dramas can really influence ones thoughts. I mean, its not a bad thing to dream big, but know your limits.

know when to give up.
know when to realize that its just a DREAM, nothing more.
know when to stop dreaming.
know your limits.

TODAY! was a little MORE exciting than I thought it would be...

was stoning in MPH for QUITE some time. it was so quiet and peaceful there. I read a book. not the whole thing. just 48 pages. xD I saw 2 kids laughing and screaming chasing this COIN. it rekindled memories of me and my brother, laughing and screaming and playing with each other, and it never lasted for more than 5 minutes. we'll end up figh- , hold that thought. the two kids that were laughing and screaming, ended up fighting. PHYSICALLY. -.- . to tell u the truth, I only deal with kids that have BLOOD RELATION to me. so I just stoned and prayed hard they wont start wrestling each other, :S

at a party, i overheard kids wanting to play doctor. what a shocker i tell you. at the age of 5 , you say play doctor, u literally MEAN doctor. but when You're 18, hearing the same thing again, its kinda different. * dayum, should've recorded it down!! xD

CORNS ARE A PAIN IN THE ASS! sigh. I refuse to have it OPERATED. sounds so, serious and scary!! :( corns been CORNY these few days, hurting my feet, making it hard for me to move around. sigh. juen sern said to have it OPERATED, if not soon i'll have my leg AMPUTATED. exactly the same thing as what my DAD said, they're awesome in rhyming no?

shall we have a game of cards? :)

Mahjong is the new black. XD

right?

& i just wish I could reach out to hold you whenever you're in pain.

2010-01-18T01:59:00.002+08:00

WATTAFAK WAS I THINKING.

i'd rather you NOT say it.
asked something stupid and you get something stupid in return.

there she stood in the middle of her room.

thinking what went wrong.

pieces of her heart,

that she thought was becoming whole again,

shattered into bits.

again.

what hope did she have in him?

there she was,

trying to mend his heart,

while he was shattering hers.

what a waste of time.

& tellmeyourwish.

2010-01-18T00:07:00.002+08:00

Mike Chadway said:

A woman says no, but it doesn't really mean no.

whotf's mike chadway?

watch the ugly truth.:)

distance don't matter to us.

& Love should be spelled as LUVI,

where there's U and I. :)

2010-01-17T02:54:00.005+08:00

i am up at 3 a.m.
thinking things over.
everything seems peaceful now,
but I don't feel good at all.

I feel parted,
with everyone.
especially those close to me.
those that mean alot more than friends to me.
those that played a bigger role in my life.

I feel pissed,
that I'm actually having selfish thoughts.
of wanting to control his life.
that there's nothing I can do if a decision is reached.
that I'm still able to laugh,
when he's in so much pain.

what does life mean to me now?

everything seems to be falling apart behind me,

while I'm upfront picking the pieces.

I'm starting to feel the emptiness.

but what can I fill it with?

The mere touch of the wind made my heart stir again

The way you laughed–just a distant memory

I once saw in your eyes myself gazing back

If only I still had the chance

I’d tell you all I long to say
And if by chance you know I’d

Never meant to turn you away

Would you decide to come back to me?

And if you think it is not too much to ask

Think about me just from time to time

just someting random.xD

there's just so many things I want to say to them.

but I haven't got the time to.

I haven't even thought of how I was going to say it.

but i want to.

because they mean alot to me.

because I don't want them to forget me.

because I know I'll miss them to bits.

and because

i love them.

& there's just too many goodbyes.

2010-01-15T16:51:00.005+08:00

today, is tuesday. xD okay. i know i said TUESDAY and today happens to be FRIDAY.

gags*

been bumming around editing pictures and getting myself updated with latest songs.and yeah. you're bored of this shit already right?

BALLS OF STEEL!!!

You see a man walk pass and hear *kling kling kling*

it MIGHT be his car keys,
maybe his house keys.

or coins in the pocket.

but hey!

you'll never know if he has fake balls.
:S
creepy much?

been reading the news, alot alot of nabeh news on the papers. i'm starting to feel that they shouldn't call newspaper newspaper anymore.

girls whacking each other up for a GUY, students bashing teacher up, peeping toms in swimming centers, Girl gets raped by friend from FRIENDSTER. -.- whats next? girl from friendster whacks teacher up for a guy in a swimming center??

or maybe not

HOWS KUANTAN? :)

okay. now here's the joke.

me, lip yong, zyu, juen sern were at the beach at night. and we burried js feet. then decided to take a group photo.

we approached this malay lady. and asked if she could help us take a group P. told her take head to toe (muka to kaki) . and... this was what we got.

............

....

.....

...........

................

...............................

AWESOME RIGHT?

& when love blindfolds you.

2010-01-11T03:28:00.001+08:00

IN KUANTAN. will be back to dominate ur life on tuesday. :)

love me,
love me not.

& when jealousy strikes,
there's no telling when it'll stop.

2010-01-06T22:03:00.005+08:00

TO AN AWESOME FRIEND.

the first guy who offered a ride.

the first guy that knew where I lived.

the first person whom I stayed in his house during a holiday trip.

the first person that drove me to a clinic when I was half dead.

the first person to talk about muscles 5 days a week.

the first person that put a smile on my face when his was DULL. xD

not many first persons.

but he's still my top 5! :)

to AZhar. O.

the first few weeks of ausmat

we hardly knew each other,

but we had lunches and everything.

I never knew I could actually GET ALONG with him.

he was so mysterious, so secretive,

and never talked about his life.

all he ever talked about was protein, muscles, gym, exercise, healthy.

all he did was the healthy talk.

telling people about healthy food, exercise, that we should head to the gym some time.

but slowly, things started to change.

he became a FRIEND.

that would sit down with you and have serious talks.

not about health.

not about muscles.

about life.

sometimes I felt like i was his STRESSBALL. XD

we had a trip to penang together with some peeps. :)

had an awesome time together.

soon,

he became my applics buddy.

sat with him almost every class.

we listen to teacher, but we don't know what she's trying to tell us.

stare and stone.

just stare and stone. :)

miss su *chokes chokes. chen.

puik. she's mean.

*azie looks epic in this photo.

he was the one guy that drove me around more often then everyone else.

giving my free rides.

he was also,

my gossip partner.

he doesnt really respond,

thats the whole point.

I don't want him to.

all he needs to do is support my statements.

heehee.

there were more and more outings that I'd go only if he'd go.

and sometimes,

i just wanna drag him along.

thank you Mr. muscles.

for being there when I need you to be.

for driving me around most of the time.

for never ditching me.

for sharing your life stories with me.

for putting trust in me.

for being honest with me.

of mamak, deep thoughts, superbikes ,gyms, muscles, gay-ness,

chicks & hot dudes , beers, DUCATIs, suzuki's, protein,applic-haha's,miss suzanna's,secrets,

love, heartbreaks, POOL and life.

I LOVE YOU AZIE! :)

you have been awesome!!
many years of friendship to come love.
appreciate life! ROCK HARD! :D

NEXT ON THE LIST :

KP Lim & Tan Jia Hoe

& let the sorrow break my heart.
reminiscence of the non-existent love.

2010-01-05T22:12:00.008+08:00

TO AN AWESOME FRIEND.

the first person I met in applics class.

the first person I hanged out with in the library.

the first person I actually gotten along with really well.

the first person that had my secrets safe under his thick skull. (:

the first person that I asked number from. xD

the first GUY that sat with me in applics class.

the first person that I felt comfortable tellling everything to.

the last person I'd wanna say goodbye to.

to THE yeoh.

juen sern.

the jackass that can never live a day without conning me.

like how he said he was in the hospital and had to remove his leg.

i SORTA believed coz after that he asked me if i wanted to see the picture of his black leg.

so i called.

then he said his GIRLFRIEND was in the hospital.

wtf right?

then only i realized,

that retarded phone of his, can send mms?

got conned.again.

he is an asshole.

but without him, I wouldn't have SURVIVED ausmat.

all the stress, all the drama, all the problems.

thank you.

for slowly driving the craziness away,

and replacing it with your retardedness.

he has been the ear that has listened to never ending complaints.

dissings, and secrets.

there are times where he worsens the situations,

but in the end.

its like a lesson learnt to me.

there may have been pain,

but it didn't kill me.

somehow,

i called him my guardian angel for a reason.

he's as retarded as he looks.

he's been the shoulder to lean on everytime I need one.

and sometimes,

he's like my stress ball.
and when I say he's always there when i need him,he IS.

even when im in ipoh.

he still manages time to meet me wherever i am.

or maybe is on the way la.

whatever it is.thank you nice eyebrowed dude. HAHA!.
*mommy gave him that name. xD

as much i Loathe you,

i love you!

in a friend way. HAHA

I wish words could describe how grateful I am.

but seriously,

STOP CONNING ME LAR!!

xD

I still like imitating the way he walks.

he keeps denying it.

one day,

imma record it. :)

I'll be seeing his face for the next 3 years and myabe 4.
THANK YOU.
for being that awesomely reliable friend I always needed.
for being so trustworthy.

for not being secretive with me.

for sharing your retarded problems.

must've been hard for you during rehab right?

:D

LOVE YOU BEECH! :)

NEXT ON THE LIST :

M. AZHAR

& when they start telling you secrets,

they trust you,

thats just how friendships are built.